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Backtrack (Part 2)

October 9, 2011

I can’t believe another week of October is over.  Time is insanely quick, and even if I hate lazy Mondays, I’m really looking forward to the coming week.  I shall tell you why soon. 🙂  For now, here’s the 2nd installment to my last post. Just a warning, it’s going to be another wordy post, plus I’d like to apologize in advance to my readers who can’t understand Filipino, I’m afraid I’ve used lyrics from Up Dharma Down (a fave OPM band of mine! 🙂 ).  In a gist, the song is about how a girl’s relationship with the guy that she loved had ended. Even if he’s now with someone else, she continues to think of him and wonders if he feels the same. She continues to sing that to this day the guy doesn’t know how she really feels.  Ok, I really have to stop or else I might give away the ending.  But even if you feel like you already know how this will end, I do hope you enjoy the way the story unfolds.


I arrived at Anton’s place before Trix, and my brain was going haywire on panic mode.  “Okay Vee, you better get a hold of yourself.  Trix will be here soon.  Just breathe.  What could possibly go wrong? Right? Everything’s going to be fine.” I told myself.


“Shoot! Fight or flee? Fight or flee?” I kept asking in my head.  I turned to face the person calling out to me.

Happy Birthday was all I could say.

“Uhm, thanks Vee.” and he gave me smile, the kind that still sends warmth gushing through my face up to this very day… even after two terms of not talking to each other.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Good… good…” before taking a sip of my fruit punch.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“And you?” I asked, trying to make the conversation last longer (idiotically).

“I’m great Vee. Finally feeling like a normal person.  No longer the goody two shoes who’s afraid to fail a couple of quizzes.  I guess I’ve finally come to my senses don’t you think?” he joked nudging my elbow.

I tried to give out a laugh as normal as I could possibly deliver.

“By the way, thanks for agreeing to perform… your band I mean…”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Ahem! Mind if I interrupt?”

“Happy Birthday Anton! Of course we wouldn’t miss your party for the world.  Right Vee?” giving me the wink.

“Of course… of course.” Trying to say the words with much conviction. The three of us continued to exchange a couple more lines until Anton asked to be excused as some of his block mates had just arrived.

“Here comes the brain squad.” Trix whispered.

“Shh Trix, don’t be so mean.”

“Ei they’re all Honors Program students… there was no pun intended.” Trix declared.

We met up with the rest of our band mates to prepare for our set.  Damn, why did I ever let the group convince me to sing at his party.  “Huff!” Well, no point in turning back now.  I took a deep breath, the drummer tapped his sticks thrice, and I took my cue.

“’Di mo lang alam… Naiisip kita. Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako…”

As I continue to sing each word with every note that was played

“’Di mo lang alam… Hanggang sa gabi, inaasam makita kang muli.”

“Where did we go wrong Anton?” I asked him with water welling in my eyes.

“Vee… We’ve talked about this… I guess we just fell apart… After you know… when you told me you couldn’t trust how I felt for you, that you weren’t sure if I did love you.  I was really hurt when you said those things Vee.” The phrase “did love” banged in my ear like the echo of a gong. I felt sick to my stomach.  But this time I took all the pride I had left and threw it at his feet.

“Is it really too late Anton? Can we no longer work things out?”

“Vee… You know I did love you…” There goes that phrase again.  “But Sheena’s here for me now…  I can’t just turn my back on her.”

My heart bled like there was no tomorrow.  I knew perfectly well what he was trying to say, and I had to respect him. I thought I was right, that I had things under control.  But I was wrong.  I could no longer hold my tears.  They came streaming down my face and he heard my acknowledgement of defeat. It was a night I’d never forget.

“Nagtapos ang lahat sa ‘di inaasahang panahon at ngayon ako’y iyong iniwan… luhaang sugatan… ‘di mapakinabangan.”

He stayed with me after breaking into sobs, even tried to make me laugh like he used to.  From time to time I’d forget that it was over… but when the time came to finally end the phone call, I just couldn’t… maybe because this time I knew it was really the end.  I knew we wouldn’t be friends after this.  I was stupid to have let him go… To have hurt him the way I did.  Now, he was gone. (to be continued)

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 10, 2011 12:44 am

    I love your blog. Good writing. Thanks for sharing here

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